Behind the Steering Wheel [Courtesy Rovers North News, March/April 2009]
By Jeffrey B. Aronson
While driving the QE I, my ’66 Series II-A 88” SW, down Vermont’s I- 91 late one winter, I noticed the power dropping off dramatically. Good fortune dictated that this would happen right near a rest area so I coasted in and opened the hood. Nothing looked amiss electrically so I pulled a spark plug, and then all four. Each plug resembled a licorice stick. A sooty, oily gunk covered up what should have been the electrode gap. I cleaned each plug in turn, screwed them back in, started up the car and continued on my way.
Two questions sprang to mind. How did the plugs get so coated, and how on earth did the car keep running?
The latter question underscores one of the endearing qualities of Land Rovers. Unlike their owners they don’t show their age. Long after its mechanical condition dictates it should be parked Land Rovers, Range Rovers and Discoverys continue to muddle through. While my back was killing me from splitting firewood, the Rover ran – albeit hesitating and underpowered - as if it had received proper service from its owner.
My “garage” consists of an open plot surrounded by ocean and trees – lovely in the warmer months but miserable in the endless snow and cold of this winter. So when the opportunity arose for me to tune-up the Rover in a heated building, I jumped at the chance. Before jealously sets in, please note that this luxury came with a price.
The building houses our local electric co-op’s line crew’s equipment, and at the end of every work day, the 5-man crew and a gaggle of local fishermen, carpenters, plumbers and electricians. Ever on the lookout for entertainment, they allowed me inside to work on the Rover.
Much merriment ensued as I lifted up the hood, stood on a milk crate and reached over to remove the air cleaner and distributor cap. “I’ve never seen a Land Rover with its hood down,” cried one audience member to the evident delight of the others. “Where do you keep the hamster?” said another as the audience convulsed in laughter. “What are you doing, lubricating the rubber band?” called out one wit, as audience members knees slapped all around him. It sounded like the laugh track in a Monty Python skit.
Their sore throats, parched from sending out insults and guffawing with merriment, received the soothing caress of liquids generally associated with Clydesdales. As I progressed from the oil change to the ignition tune-up, their restored vocal chords found new ways to express their pleasure. You can only imagine the reaction when I pulled out the hand crank from behind the seat and called for one of the skeptics to turn the engine slowly as I observed the points opening on the top of the distributor cam lobe. A crank? These guys have pickups with electric windows and automatic door locks!
For a change, I gapped the points correctly, got the firing order correct on the new cap, and remembered to install the rotor before clamping on the cap. The car started right up and reminded me just how sweet the sound of a tuned 2.25 can be. It also garnered a curtain call razzing from the well-entertained audience.
That night on the radio news I heard that Citibank will pay the New York Mets $400 million over 20 years to put its name on the Mets’ new stadium in New York City. We’re all shareholders now in Citibank, so as business partners I ask your permission to have Citi transfer its naming rights from the stadium to my newly-planned, shovel –ready heated garage project here on the island. It will cost far, far less than $400 million and I won’t have to be the island’s entertainment at every scheduled maintenance..
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Winter in New England has brought avalanches of snow and gusts of cold this season, limiting outdoor work to cutting up blown down trees and splitting firewood. It’s also a great time to watch DVD’s by the woodstove.
Always looking for more information on Land Rovers, I found myself viewing Tanya Roberts [Charlie’s Angels, Bond girl] in Sheena, as in Queen of the Jungle. Well, she’s certainly not George of the Jungle. This 1984 British epic answers some long-running questions: to wit, can a scantily-clad woman riding bareback on a zebra chase down a Series III 109”; can a homemade arrow pierce the seatback bulkhead of a 109”; and can a 109” driven by a heroic television sports reporter smash into and flip over another 109” driven by former NFL placekicker-now evil prince of an African country?
As befits a movie shot in Kenya there are lots of Land Rovers, African wildlife and stunning scenery in the movie, which help make up for the lame dialogue. Scroll through the credits and you’ll find that Lorenzo Semple, Jr. (of Batman and Carlton the Doorman fame) helped write the screenplay. That would explain the scene in which the television sports reporter, riding bareback on the zebra with Sheena, says to her “Your hair smells terrific. What do you use for a shampoo?”
Joe Bob Briggs, the preeminent arbiter of drive-in and ultimate B movies, gave Sheena 4 out of 5 stars. If you’re tired of The Gods Must Be Crazy, I recommend it.
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The high winds this season have assured vultures like me a good supply of firewood, as long as I take my Land Rover into the woods to cut up the blown down trees.
Not long ago, I backed the II-A down a slope off a dirt lane to pile newly cut wood into the car. The forest floor was soft and the Rover’s nose stuck up at a 30 degree angle. I started to load up the wood I had cut when a neighbor drove down the lane in his Chevy 4x4 pickup. He looked at the Rover and asked if I needed a tow. I asked him, “Why?” “You mean you drove the Rover down there.” he asked? “I wouldn’t take my truck there;” this from a man who owns three GM pickups, all used for snowplowing. Too bad he doesn’t own a Land Rover.
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Meanwhile, this February much of England, Scotland and Wales seemed paralyzed for a few days under the sudden onslaught of 10-20 inches of snow. Boris Johnson, the Lord Mayor of London, had to admit the city owns no snowplows and cancelled out all double-decker bus service because of slippery roads. Tube and train service was seriously curtailed. Graciously he agreed to lift the “congestion tax,” a fee on vehicular traffic in central London aimed largely at Land Rovers and similar SUV’s. He actually applauded those drivers “who decided to come into work this day despite the weather.” It’s good to acknowledge Land Rovers, isn’t it? As Land Rover enthusiasts here know, owning a Land Rover eliminates weather as an excuse for not getting to work during a storm.
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Nationally the UK government must pay attention to Land Rover, too. From 2004-2007, Land Rover set records including their first-ever sale of over 200,000 vehicles in a single year. In 2008 Land Rover saw sales tumble by 18% to 185,000 vehicles. Land Rover is projecting fewer sales in 2009.
Like US-based auto companies, Land Rover has reduced its workforce, shut down factories for longer periods than usual and instituted reduced work weeks. Together Land Rover and Jaguar employ over 15,000 people in the UK. In November 2008 Land Rover officials called for their government to assist the auto industry with loans totaling just under $3 billion. After some grumbling that wealthy and Indian parent Tata should pay more to pay for their adopted children Land Rover and Jaguar, Britain did extend credit to Land Rover.
The UK kept only about 38,000 Land Rovers of all models in 2008. Land Rover still exports 78% of all its vehicles to 169 countries, an astounding feat for such a small automobile company. Let’s hope this success keeps the Defender around and produced in Great Britain, and eventually, back in the USA.
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For all the genuine economic challenges we confront, the good news - your Land Rover, Range Rover, Discovery, LR 3 or Freelander - is in your garage. Be thankful you didn’t choose a Toyota Land Cruiser. The New York Times called the 2009 Land Cruiser an “old friend who seems to have ballooned to almost unrecognizable dimensions... a temple of tumescence.”
The reviewer asks “Why did Toyota reduce the new model’s ground clearance, and the approach, departure and break-over angles that are so crucial in hard-core off-roading? A height-adjustable suspension might have compensated for those losses, but one is not offered. Another head-scratcher: Why is the housing of the rear differential made of lightweight (and relatively fragile) aluminum?” Good questions, all.
Instead, anyone fancy a 2007 Range Rover? It seems that Bernard Madoff, the financier whose $50 billion Ponzi scheme collapsed this winter, needs to reduce expenses. Each year he shelled out $117,329 for leases on: the Range Rover, a 2009 Mercedes S550 [leased in October, 2008, no less], a 2008 Cadillac DTS, a 2007 Mercedes S550, a 2008 Mercedes GL450 sport-utility vehicle and a 2006 Lexus. When you’re under 24-hour house arrest, the need for multiple vehicles diminishes somewhat.
Copyright 2009 Jeffrey Aronson and Rovers North News
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